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"I'll just have small fries and a shake." After those words, my stomach begins to quake. "You better not eat any of that! You're still way too fat!!" The voice screams inside my brain, But softly, I try to explain. "When I'm with others, I must keep up my pretense, For they'd think, that what I feel doesn't make sense." I accidentally spill my shake all over my tray, So both my empty cup and soggy fries, I have to throw away. My friends are too kind and share some of their fries. They urge me to eat them, I do, but only after several tries. Yet over the voice of my friend Bridget, The voice in my head screams out that I betrayed it. I hold back tears in my eyes, As I'm offered even more fries. "You'll pay for betraying me! You'll remain the same! Fat and ugly!" I finally go home and cry, lying on my bed And after an hour, I walk to the bathroom with dread. After shedding all my clothes, I step on the scale. Upon seeing my weight, I start to turn pale. The number on the scale it too high And as I hear the voice, I again start to cry. "You didn't listen and now you're too big! You're nothing but a dirty, fat, ugly old pig! Your so-called friends want you looking this way! Make your choice, your goal or your friends, That's all I'll say." The voice is right. Jealous are Bridget and Dianne. They try to stuff me so I can't get myself a man. Getting on my knees, I lean over the toilet. I hold my hair back and I force myself to vomit. My stomach hurts and I'm paying the price The voice warned about as it tried to be nice. I go back into my room and I work out. Stomach pains I endure, as looking pretty is all I think about. Hours later, I'm called down for dinner. I focus on my goal, "To be pretty, I must be thinner." I fake my way through dinner, starting off with, "Dinner smells good." I put food in my mouth, spitting it in my napkin and expertly play with my food. After dinner, I go to my room and exercise a few hours more. Then I turn on my TV, start munching on pretzels, as I sit on the floor. "No pain no gain," I keep telling myself. Finding strength from the framed pictures, of models, lining my shelf. Soon I'll reach my goal, the boys' eyes, I'll astound. I'll be envied, by all the girls around. Age 18, 5 feet 6 and 75 pounds light, We found our baby girl dead, a sad and sickening sight. I guess she thought, she just had to be, A skinny person, to be considered pretty....... |
